EDMOND — “If you start me up; if you start me up I’ll never stop. I’ve been running hot. You got me ticking, gonna blow my top. If you start me up; if you start me up I’ll never stop. Never stop, never stop, never stop. You make a grown man cry.”



That 1981 bit of prose and wisdom came from one of the great philosophers of our time — Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. Maybe these words would be better used by our current economist rock star, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, as he pleads with the economy.

I’m having a little trouble with the mental image, but rocker Ben has been trying everything he can think of to get the economy going again. What the heck. QE1 and QE2 didn’t work. Why not get the country rocking? Start me up, Ben.

Speaking of rock stars, hedge fund managers — the rock stars of the investment world — are not having a good year either. These are supposed to be the smartest guys and gals around. According to HSBC’s private bank, of the 300 hedge funds they track, only nine are up double digits, and most of those are narrowly mandated technology funds. Almost every fund lost money in June. And oh how the mighty have fallen, with the biggest funds producing the soggiest performance.

Bruce Kovner is off by 3.88 percent this year, Paul Tudor Jones is down by 2.25 percent, Louis Bacon took a 2.84 percent hickey, and Fortress Capital has dipped 2.44 percent. Emerging markets have done worse, with Brevan Howard taking a 4.64 percent hit. Paulsen & Company, considered by some to be the superstar legend, pursued a bullish strategy in the banks and lost an eye-popping 20 percent. Ouch!

So why such a tough year for all these smart people? For a start, you can blame the almost complete absence of any clear trends this year. The S&P 500 was up 7 percent in the first half of the year, with the entire move occurring only during the last three days. Until then, we spent all our time inside a narrow 120-point, 9 percent trading range. Same thing for Treasury bonds, which are up only 3 points on the year with a yield so small you need a magnifying glass to find it. Uh, wasn’t quantitative easing supposed make everything better? How is that working out, Ben?

How about the Euro? You would think the never-ending European sovereign debt crisis would present great shorting opportunities? Nope. The European currency is up 7 percent this year. Unless something fundamentally changes, it can’t defy gravity forever. But so far Sir Isaac Newton would be amazed.

What about commodities? Did copper, the only metal with a PhD in economics, open its wallet for “hedgies” this year? Not a chance. Copper is actually down 1 percent. Maybe it should go back to night school for another course in macroeconomics?

Perhaps precious metals were the hot ticket. Negative again. Despite all of the fear, angst and forecasts of doom seen this year, gold has managed a modest 4 percent gain; while silver, after a lot of sound and fury, delivered a middling 8 percent increase. Platinum and palladium are dead unchanged on the year, thanks to the deflationary impact of the Japanese earthquake on the global auto industry.

Far be it from me to brag, but perhaps you’ll allow me a moment of totally shameless self-promotion. Much of what has happened this year so far is what I wrote in my annual predictions column on Jan. 29. And so far it looks like I’m beating many of the hotshot hedge fund gurus. How cool is that?

I think the rest of the year will be pretty crazy also. Worry, worry, worry. Is rock star Ben going cold turkey and swearing off the hard stuff — quantitative easing?  Or will it be back at the first sign of trouble? Who knows? After all, there is an election year coming and old habits die hard. Perhaps this really is the year when cash is king for investors. Sounds to me like the best thing to do may be to just go to the beach. Or just call me. Thanks for reading.



NICK MASSEY is a financial adviser and owner of Householder Group Financial Advisors in Edmond. Massey can be reached at www.nickmassey.com. Securities offered through Securities Service Network Inc., member FINRA/SIPC.