Marjorie Anderson
EDMOND — I don’t know that the content of these columns would be more interesting if I had a life, but I do know I wouldn’t have time to write them. “As I See It,” or AISI, celebrates its fourth year of publication today, and I celebrate a zillion hours of finger-flying fun.
The jury’s still out, but it’s possible the solitude required to write these columns has addled my brain. I’m hoping to prove it hasn’t in this one.
It’s true that I sequester myself when the creative juices well up, but that’s not a bad thing. Where, other than here amid my office clutter, could I get by with wearing whatever I slept in last night for as long as I want to? Where else could my hair stay uncombed and breakfast, lunch and/or dinner dishes remain at my elbow waiting for me to notice?
It’s not as though spider webs hem me in on all sides, but I probably should get up out of this chair more often. A skinny woman welcomes a little plumping up here and there, but swollen ankles don’t qualify.
I do get up on demand to mollify Su, the weenie dog, and King Tut, the cat, and occasionally to throw water on one of any number of dying plants. Also to growl at cheery-voiced phone and front door solicitors, but you can’t really call any of that exercise.
I’ll probably have a blood clot and/or a stroke brought on by inactivity and maybe I’ll — well, you know, die. Now there’s an attention getter! You’ll be sorry then that you didn’t make AISI famous while you could. Don’t waste your time casting about for a signed, dated and bound copy of the complete works. You won’t find one. There isn’t one, and that’s your fault.
I suggest you build a monument in honor of the non-existent complete works and erect it beside the bronze paper boy and his bronze bike outside The Sun building. A large, bronze, all-seeing eyeball with AISI engraved on the base would be appropriate. You’ll want to hire a marching band to perform at its unveiling, so whip up a parade while you’re at it. How I wish I could be there to see it!
But wait! Not yet! This is all premature. Pathos has carried me away. More than likely I’ll endure yet awhile, so postpone all the above. Do keep it in mind, though. That failing, you can count on me to provide a list of celebration details, upon request, of course. Well, maybe a couple of un-requested ones:
Following the unveiling and the parade, a watermelon feed would be nice. You’ll need to postpone the festivities until summer if AISI fades away out of season. There will be a watermelon seed spitting contest for the little tykes with prizes for everyone including the dribblers — small consolation for never having met AISI and knowing they never will. So sad.
Horses will not march in the parade unless they bring up the rear. Promise you’ll do this for me in protest against the many times my high school band followed those beautiful but messy creatures around the Washita County courthouse out west.
I suggested Cordell’s City Council build the marching band a monument, but it declined. Edmondites are more into celebrations and bronze statues. I expect better of you.
I could go on, but we’re running out of space. Just know I’ve enjoyed writing these columns throughout the past four years and I look forward to the fifth … which is what I plead in defense of this one.
Maybe I do need to get a life.
MARJORIE ANDERSON is an Edmond resident.
