The Edmond Sun

Features

April 12, 2013

LIVING WITH CHILDREN: Disciplinary math requires focusing on 1 problem at a time

BALTIMORE — One of the reasons — it’s probably in the top three reasons, in fact — that parents fail at solving discipline problems is they try to solve too many at once. In so doing, they scatter their disciplinary energy too thinly and end up solving none. The only thing they accomplish is getting more frustrated and more convinced that there is something about their child that renders discipline ineffective — a gene perhaps, inherited from the father (who else?), that causes a biochemical imbalance.

If a corporation manufactures 10 products that are all losing money, its managers do not try to rehabilitate all 10 products at once. Instead, they focus their marketing energy and dollars on one. They are fairly certain that the renewed success of that one item will have a positive effect on the other nine. And they’re right! Shortly after bingobangos begin showing a profit, whatchamas and humperdoos begin operating in the black as well. Pretty soon, all 10 products are doing well. Mind you, if management had tried to jump-start all 10 at once, the corporation would have gone bankrupt.

And so it is when dealing with discipline problems. No matter how many there are, pick one — it doesn’t really matter which one — and deal with it in a very organized way. When you have solved that one problem, you will almost surely notice that one or two other problems have spontaneously vanished. I call it “disciplinary math.” If you start with 10 discipline problems — tantrums, disobedience, disrespect, teasing the dog, leaving clothes all over the house, and so on — and you solve one, you are likely to find that you only have seven problems left. Solve one of those and you have only four left. Four problems minus one is one and that goes the way of the other nine as soon as your child sees you focusing on it. During this process, which may take several months from start to finish (time well spent), just muddle through the problems you haven’t yet targeted. Their day will come.

I once consulted with a couple whose early-elementary-age son was giving them fits. In addition to speaking disrespectfully, ignoring instructions and interrupting conversations, he was not getting ready for school on time in the morning. The parents took turns haranguing, hectoring and hassling until he was finally ready to leave the house. Because their day almost always got off on the wrong foot, they were eager to solve that problem. Instead, I helped them develop an organized approach to the disrespectful statements that flew out of his mouth whenever things didn’t go his way.

A few weeks later, the parents told me that the disrespect had all but completely stopped. Oh, and by the way, their son was getting ready to leave for school in the morning without being harangued and so on. And other problems were showing improvement as well!

“Disciplinary math” may defy the rules of arithmetic, but it works!

JOHN ROSEMOND, a family psychologist, answers parents’ questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

1
Text Only
Features
  • McCain 1 House Republicans are more active on Twitter than Democrats

    Your representative in the House is almost certainly on Twitter. Your senator definitely is. But how are they using the social network? Are Democrats more active than Republicans, or vice versa? Who has the most followers on the Hill?

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • Do your genes make you procrastinate?

    Procrastinators, in my experience, like nothing better than explaining away their procrastination: General busyness, fear of failure, and simple laziness are just a handful of the excuses and theories often tossed around. Now researchers from the University of Colorado Boulder have added another option to the list: genetics.

    April 22, 2014

  • VIDEO: Moose charges snowmobile, flees after warning shot

    While snowmobiling in New England, Bob and Janis Powell of Maine were charged by a moose and caught the entire attack on camera.

    April 22, 2014

  • 6th annual run event in Guthrie to benefit Free to Live

    The sixth annual “The See Spot Run” will take place at 9 a.m. May 10 in downtown Guthrie. This 5K, 10K and 1-mile run/walk event benefits Free to Live, a nonprofit animal sanctuary located Logan County. In the past five years of this event “The See Spot Run” has welcomed more than 3,000 runners and raised $30,000 for the Free to Live Animal Sanctuary.
    “The See Spot Run” will offer all participants the opportunity to compete in either the 5K or 10K event in addition to a 1-mile “Fun Run.” Walkers and runners (both two- and four-legged) are welcome and can register directly at www.theseespotrun.com. Visit www.freetoliveok.com. Donations also can be sent to “The See Spot Run,” P.O. Box 292, Guthrie, 73044.
     

    April 21, 2014

  • Touch-A-Truck event draws families to UCO

    Edmond Electric and Edmond Vehicle Maintenance are co-hosting the Edmond Touch-A-Truck from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. May 17 in the UCO parking lot off Second Street. Touch-A-Truck is a fundraising event that provides children of all ages with the opportunity to experience life-size vehicles and interact with community support leaders like police officers, firemen, construction workers and many more. Families will have the opportunity for a hands-on exploration of many vehicles such as Edmond’s own fire trucks and police cars, an Edmond Electric bucket truck and even a solid waste truck.
    Admission for the Touch-A-Truck event is a suggested $2 donation with the proceeds going to the Edmond HOPE Center. For more information, contact Edmond Electric at 216-7671 or email michelle.gumaer@edmondok.com.

    April 21, 2014

  • Why do wolves howl?

    Of all the myths that dog the wolf, none is more widely accepted than the idea that wolves howl at the moon. Images of wolves with their heads upturned, singing at the night sky, are as unquestioned as a goldfish's three-second memory or a dog's color-blindness (both also myths).

    April 20, 2014

  • Screen shot 2014-04-18 at 4.44.15 PM.png Paint, doodle and sketch: 3 apps for art lovers

    In the absence of a palette of watercolors and a sketchpad, these three apps can fill in as your art supplies of choice.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Raw oysters spike U.S. rise in bacterial infections, CDC reports

    Raw oysters, so good with hot sauce, increasingly can carry something even more unsettling to the stomach: A bacteria linked to vomiting, diarrhea and pain.

    April 19, 2014

  • Crazy spring weather brings frantic pleas

    It was a bright and sunny Saturday morning. Tulips were blooming, squirrels were all a’skitter, my allergy-prone nose was running ninety-to-nothing, and workmen were in my yard leaning on rakes at $18 an hour. You might know I’d be anxious to remedy that! They were waiting to get started on spreading 60 bags of mulch, which I was belatedly on my way to reserve and pre-pay so they could pick it up and get started. Rush ... rush ... rush, and oh my aching back.

    April 19, 2014

  • Oklahoma History Center new home for Oklahoma Military Hall of Fame

    The Oklahoma Military Hall of Fame has a new home at the Oklahoma History Center. Created in 1999, the hall of fame, operated by the Oklahoma Military Heritage Foundation, has been housed the past several years at Oklahoma Christian University but there was no available space to display photographs and information on the inductees.

    April 18, 2014