CNHI News Service —
Q: Our son is in kindergarten at a small private school. Most of the children in his class are boys. From the beginning, he’s been somewhat of a behavior problem. Each time we get a notice from his teacher, we punish him. Last week, he and a boy in his class were goofing around. The boy twisted my son’s arm and my son hit him to get away. Both of them were laughing the entire time. Nonetheless, the school said they were fighting and expected us to discipline at home. Several days later, he punched another boy, again in the course of goofing around. The teacher agrees he’s not being mean, just playing around, but any physical contact that can be interpreted as aggressive is unacceptable. Can you suggest anything?
A: I have two suggestions: First, figure out how to get your son to stop the goofing around before he’s expelled. Second, find another school for him before he’s expelled from this one or they make his continued enrollment contingent upon him seeing a mental health professional of one sort or another.
You’re not describing a boy who has an aggression problem. You’re describing a boy. This situation is representative of the tendency on the part of schools to over-react to aggressive behavior of any kind. Because boys are generally more aggressive than girls, boys are the usual targets of these over-reactions. Schools — public and private — seem to be having great difficulty differentiating between what is simply normal boy behavior and what is truly pre-sociopathic behavior. They end up punishing boys for simply being boys.
The more immediate problem, however, is the practical one: to wit, most private schools — especially those with waiting lists — have no reservations about expelling problem students. As one student goes out the door, another student comes in. I don’t need to tell you that if your son is expelled, it will be difficult to find another private school to take him.
There’s another possible dimension to this as well. I’ll just bet your son is not only having fun goofing around physically with other boys; he’s also having fun out of getting such a disproportionate reaction from so many adults. Unfortunately, all of this is likely to lead straight to a one-way ticket through the school’s front door.
Level with your son. Sit down and tell him you understand he’s having fun as opposed to being bad, but that if he doesn’t stop, the school is going to kick him out. Furthermore, tell him that as much as you don’t want to, you’re going to have to punish him when he goofs around. That’s the nature of your agreement with the school. In that regard, whatever punishment you use is going to have to more than cancel the fun he’s having. When the next incident occurs, take away all privileges and put him to bed early for two weeks. Whatever you do, it’s going to have to make a permanent impression.
FAMILY psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions at www.rosemond.com.
Features
Boys being boys is not pre-sociopathic behavior
- Features
-
-
Do a little research before donating to the cause
The outpouring of support for those affected by the horrendous tornadoes that recently ripped through central Oklahoma has been significant.
There are many different ways in which people can donate money, food, water, clothing and supplies. However, while most of these arevalid and helpful charities, there can be a few snakes in the grass, said Sissy Osteen, Oklahoma State University Cooperative Extension resource managementspecialist. -
Kebabs: Health kick on a stick
Grilling is a simple way to feed your family well this summer. Start with a lean meat and a healthful marinade and then allow the grill to strip away additional fat for a heart-healthy and waist-friendly final result. Plus, grilling caramelizes the natural sugars in foods, which adds flavor without additional calories and fat.
-
Boy Scouts: Yes to gay youths, no to adults
The Boy Scouts of America on Thursday ended its ban on openly gay youths but maintained a prohibition on gay adult leaders, a decision framed as a compromise but one that could lead to litigation and thousands of defections from one of America's largest youth organizations.
-
In fan fiction, your favorite characters do what you want them to
When J.J. Abrams took over the "Star Trek" franchise in 2009, he boldly went where the series hadn't gone before — romantically — pairing Uhura with Spock. Many fans disliked the change. Some loved it. Others didn't care, because they just wanted to see Kirk and Spock make out.
-
Where to get the best deal on beer, haircuts, movies
Looking for a good deal on a six-pack of beer? Try Charlotte. A haircut that won't burn a hole in your wallet? Harlingen, Texas, is your best bet. A trip to the movies? Hilo, Hawaii, is supposed to be nice this time of year.
-
VIDEO: How technology helps predict tornadoes
At the National Storm Prediction Center in Oklahoma, the team charged with predicting tornadoes relies on ever-changing technology to determine when and where storms may strike.
-
Rude teens an example of emotional narcissism
Q: I went into my 17-year-old’s bedroom to wake him this morning. After some urging, he eventually got up and then told me he hated me. What is the appropriate consequence for this sort of disrespect?
-
The would’a, could’a, should’as of Edmond living
“Would’a, could’a, should’a” might be the most useless contractions in the English language — especially when preceded by “if only” — but I’m not letting that stop me.
If only I’d known what was coming, I would’a stayed out of Edmond’s seductive garden shops last weekend, but it’s been a long, cold winter and I couldn’t resist all those colorful flowery offerings begging, “Take me! “Take me!” -
VIDEO: Man hands out Abercrombie clothes on Skid Row in bid to shame brand
Anger has mounted online against clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch due to comments made by its chief executive and its strategy of not making women's clothing in any size above large.
-
Feces contaminates 58 percent of public swimming pools
Human feces taints more than half of public swimming pools, a finding U.S. health officials are using to urge better personal hygiene as the summer months approach.
- More Features Headlines
-
Do a little research before donating to the cause
