Rabbi Marc Gellman
Q: I’m a good person. I’m faithful to my wife, work hard and treat people with respect. Why isn’t that enough? Why is it some people look down on me when I say I don’t believe in God? It seems silly to me to think that there’s some supreme, all-knowing being in the sky, or in our hearts.
I don’t know what happens after we die; I don’t feel I need to know. I’m not afraid to say I don’t know. I don’t want to be negative or sound mean. If believing in something makes someone feel good and gives them strength, that’s fine, but this should be private. When someone talks of confidence and determination and love to get through life’s problems, that’s terrific. However, when somebody adds to that, “God’s watching,” or mentions “God’s will,” they just sound crazy to me. — C., via godsquadquestion@aol.com
A: Thanks for helping my readers understand that just as religious folks sometimes have to deal with anti-religious prejudice from atheists, it’s also true that atheists experience prejudicial attitudes from religious people. It is absolutely true that one can be an atheist and be an ethical person, just as it’s possible for a person of faith to lack moral virtue.
The point I always stress as the fundamental difference between people with and without faith is the question of where their hope comes from. For people of faith, hope comes from the belief that God is with us in this life, through all our joys and sorrows, and remains with our souls after death in heaven.
The hope of an atheist is harder for me to understand. Taking joy in what this life provides is certainly possible without any promise of succor in times of trouble now or a seat in heaven later. What I can’t quite understand is how a person who believes that we are just chemicals and goo can find a way to affirm the special dignity and moral worth of human beings. The reason religions endorse eating and using animals is the religious belief that, although created by God, animals do not have souls. What is the materialistic basis for the special regard for the dignity of human life?
Another advantage of the religious worldview (though this is not at all a proof of its truth) is that it gives us hope that there is indeed a hell for those human predators who’ve brought misery and exploitation to planet earth. If this life is all there is, then the scales of justice will remain radically unbalanced in favor of evil.
In the end, though, I feel for your pain at being castigated as an atheist (actually, you describe yourself as agnostic). If you can get through the valley of the shadow of death without a good shepherd, God bless you...oops. As for me, I’m glad for the addition of any kindness to our broken world, regardless of its source and beliefs.
Q: I’m hoping you can help me, because time is of the essence. My brother is gravely ill. Although we’re praying for a miracle, things don’t look good. Here is our dilemma:
My brother has been married three times. The first and second marriages failed within the first few years. His first two ex-wives were Jewish, as are we. His third wife is Catholic, and this marriage has lasted more than a decade. She already has a burial plot in a Catholic cemetery, which she owned prior to meeting my brother.
We can’t afford new plots in a non-sectarian cemetery, but I believe my brother and his wife love each other so much that they should be together forever. It would break my heart to have him buried in a Catholic cemetery, but it would hurt me more to have them buried separately. I hope God will forgive us for what we might have to do when the time comes. The real problem is, the Catholic cemetery won’t accept him without a letter from a rabbi that he is not “an evil man.”
I’m afraid there are no alternatives for us, but we can’t find a rabbi willing to write such a letter for us. I know religion is important, but so is love. Do we have any choices? — D., via god squadquestion@aol.com
A: First of all, my prayers go out to your brother. I pray for his healing, and if that is not possible, I pray for an easy death. As to your problem, be comforted. My Catholic cemetery authorities assure me that you have no problem.
You will need a letter from your brother or his family stating that he has no objection to being buried in a Catholic cemetery. This is needed so that at some time in the future, no one from his family can complain about his being buried there. You should know that this permission is not reciprocal. In Jewish cemeteries, Jewish law only allows Jewish people to be buried there.
In any event, you don’t need a letter from a rabbi stating that your brother is not “an evil man.” This is a good thing. I could testify willingly and easily that many people I know are “terrific human beings.” I could testify that many people I know are “slightly above average.” And, for some, unfortunately, all I could say in honesty about them is, “His brother was worse.”
RABBI MARC GELLMAN may be reached via e-mail at godsquadquestion@aol.com.
