Published: June 17, 2009 09:50 pm      

Love can be the best Father’s Day gift

EDMOND — About 50 countries celebrate Father’s Day on the third Sunday of June. As the day approaches, my e-mail inbox is stuffed to the eyeballs with spam encouraging me to buy something. I think Father’s Day is a wonderful idea. I love the notion of people all across the world joining together to honor the men who are important in our lives. The more we cross national and religious boundaries and unite in common acts of reverence and respect, the better.

But I hope my children don’t let themselves get “guilted” into making Father’s Day a commercial exercise. I can’t speak for all fathers, of course. I guess there are some men out there who will feel dishonored if somebody doesn’t spend money on them. And there may even be men out there who will feel slighted if the magnitude of the gift is not on a par with their perception of their own hugeness. To those people I say, with all due respect, you don’t know what you’re missing.

My own father died 26 years ago. He was 54 — five years younger than I am right now. This is a fact we all have to face. If we live long enough, we outlive our dads. Mary lost her father earlier this year. This will be the first Father’s Day of her life without him. Hopefully, since I’ve been down this road a time or two, I can be here to make it a little easier for her. But, if we live long enough, it’s a road we all get to walk.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to have your fathers with you this year, let me offer some suggestions. I’m qualified to do this because I know what I wish I could do for my dad if I could have him back for awhile. And as a father of adult children myself, I know what would make me happy. 

First, don’t worry about buying stuff. Most of the ties, ballpoints, aftershave and whatnot — well, they’re nice, but they’re pretty low on the list of what a father needs. Lose the pre-printed syrup that oozes off the racks of Father’s Day cards. It’s sweet, but, when everything is said and done, it’s a second-hand sentiment that you bought.

If you really want to make your dad happy, try some of this.

Make peace. If there’s something between you that’s festered, find a way to get it out in the open and deal with it. When I was a boy, I attended lots of funerals that my dad preached. The saddest words you can hear at a service like that are these: “There’s so much I wish I’d said.” So, if there’s a grudge between you, settle it. Give yourself a chance to enjoy each other while you can.

Same goes for your siblings. You’ll make your father’s heart soar like a hawk if all you kids get over your differences and love each other. If you can’t do it, ask yourself what’s so precious about a feud that you want to hold onto it with such stubbornness?

Next, if you have children of your own, you honor your father by being a good parent yourself. Since twin grandbabies were born into our family last month, it’s hard for me to imagine a more precious tribute than to know my son understands how to love his children.

Finally, express yourself. Hopefully, there’s something in your dad that you can find to love. Tell him.

Where does manliness fit into all this? Even the manliest of fathers is apt to get a little misty eyed if you put your arms around his neck and give him a kiss on the cheek. Just a minute. OK. Enough of that.

Before I sign off, I’d like to point out that the first Father’s Day was officially celebrated in Spokane on June 19, 1910. By coincidence, June 19, 1914, is Lester Flatt’s birthday. He and Earl Scruggs performing with the Foggy Mountain Boys are two of the most influential Bluegrass performers in the history of the art. After Lester died in 1979, he was posthumously inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame and the International Bluegrass Music Hall of Honor. If somebody out there feels like they just can’t live without giving their dad something for Father’s Day, think about a Lester Flatt CD — or something. I’m Hink and I’ll see ya.



MIKE HINKLE is an Edmond resident and retired attorney. He may be reached via e-mail at hink@edmondsun.com.