“Hear the whisper of the raindrops,
“Blow softly against my window,
“Make believe you love me,
“One more time
“For the Good Times”
— Kris Kristofferson (hits for Ray Price and Elvis Presley)
“For the Good Times” hit the charts about the time my mother and father divorced. For the rest of his life, it was one of dad’s favorite songs.
In 2006, after my first marriage ended, it became one of mine. The song resonates because it pays homage to good memories.
On the other hand, it’s easy post-divorce to be obsessed with looking back. Although the song focuses on happiness, post-divorce reflection often breaks down into bitterness, anger, finger-pointing and name-calling.
Not only has the divorcee gone through hell, they can’t seem to get past it.
That is where James Stillwell comes in. His job is to help people learn from their past, but focus on the future.
Stillwell, based in Lexington, Ky., is a master of divorce recovery.
A happily married grandfather and father of four children, he did not learn about divorce first-hand, but it’s hard to knock his street cred.
Along with an impressive academic background, Stillwell has helped more than 3,000 individuals and families through the divorce recovery process.
I have referred several friends and clients to his divorce recovery workshops and others to receive individual and couples counseling. All rave about his services.
Stillwell told me that it’s hard for him to go out in public and not run into someone who tells him, “You saved my marriage” or “You helped me get through the worst period of my life.”
Job satisfaction has to be high on James Stillwell’s list. He truly makes a difference.
He is an incredibly nice man with the perfect demeanor to be a counselor. He has read and mastered every book ever written on relationships and knows when to drop his knowledge into an individual situation. He comes from a background in the ministry, but his outlook and services are non-denominational.
He’s made the transition from being affiliated with a mega-church to setting up his own counseling services and divorce recovery workshops.
I am sure he nails individual counseling because every divorce is different, but he has had incredible success with his group workshops.
I wish I had gone to one.
I had several chances. Stillwell and I have developed our relationship over Facebook. I can’t remember when we became friends, but he has become a friend in every sense of the word. Actually more like a guiding beacon. I signed up a couple of times for his classes, but something always held me back. Like pride.
I equated divorce to failure. I don’t mind telling the world about my business failures (and success), but there was something about my marriage ending that I wanted to keep to myself. I’m a family oriented guy and having my life upended was tough.
My mother and sister died unexpectedly within six months of the divorce. I needed group support and individual counseling, but resisted doing either.
I sank into a long period of feeling morose. I stopped going to work on a regular basis and was bad about returning phone calls when I did. Business suffered. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the divorce, even though I am a high profile figure in a small town and everyone knew anyway. I have a vast network of friends and people who care about me, but I let myself get isolated.
Divorce recovery could have helped. It certainly couldn’t have hurt.
Stillwell could sense my despair through my Facebook posts. He stayed on me about attending and I kept signing up and not showing up. I was finally ready to go and then I happened to meet a wonderful woman who is now my wife. I never made it to his class.
Then, he asked me to speak to a group of widows about their finances. I was able to help them and get a first-hand look at his unique skills and talents.
I had a divorcing friend drive me to the program with the unspoken agenda that the person would connect with Stillwell and sign up for his class. It happened and was a positive, life-changing experience.
My friend once asked how I could recommend divorce recovery when I did not attend myself. I said that I made a mistake and wanted others to learn from it.
If you are going through divorce, thinking about divorce or have been divorced for years, you need to find Dr. Stillwell or someone like him in your city.
“For the Good Times” needs to be a song about the future, not the past.
DON McNAY is a columnist for the Richmond (Ky.) Register. Contact him at email@example.com.
“Hear the whisper of the raindrops,
LETTER: Volunteers make Thanksgiving dinner successful
To the Editor:
How do you thank 711 people for helping you? On Thanksgiving Day my belief in the goodness of man and that Edmond has the most giving citizens was reinforced.
Starting on the Saturday before that day, I met the first ones as they worked diligently to clean equipment in preparation for cooking the Edmond Community Thanksgiving Dinner. More people came to three sites on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to cook and carve.
Employer mandate delayed, but Obamacare destruction goes on
Some 60 percent of Americans — nearly 160 million people — get insurance through their jobs. Thanks to Obamacare, that number is about to nosedive. The president’s signature law is hiking the cost of health insurance for American businesses of all sizes. They’re responding by dumping coverage for workers, spouses and retirees.
Even though the employer mandate, which requires all firms with 50 or more full-time staffers to provide health coverage or pay a fine, has been delayed by one year, the employer health insurance market is slowly bleeding out.
Freedom is more likely to stimulate potential geniuses than gifted programs
If high IQ scores are not reliable indicators of genius, what are? Advocates of gifted children hope schools can be designed to turn intellectual promise into world-changing creativity.
Frederick eyes its future renovation
Terence Malik is an American filmmaker who spent part of his youth in Bartlesville. He is perhaps best known for the critically acclaimed 1978 movie “Days of Heaven” that is set in the Texas Panhandle before the First World War during the harvest season. The late film critic Roger Ebert described “Days of Heaven” as “one of the most beautifully photographed films ever made” and praised Malik for evoking “the loneliness and beauty of the limitless Texas Prairie” Ebert wrote of how the characters in the film appeared to be on a land “to large for its inhabitants” and that they seemed to struggle with the “weight of the land.” And a visitor to Frederick, in Southwestern Oklahoma, where the land has a topography comparable to the Texas prairie, encounters visual images that are similar to the ones contained in Malik’s movie.
OKLAHOMA NOW: Celebrating an inspiring year in Oklahoma
Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is on its way. This is a great time of year to reflect on all of God’s blessings and to be thankful for what we have.
Like many Oklahomans, I am thankful for my faith, my wonderful family, and my friends. I am also thankful for the opportunity to be your governor.
HEY HINK: Nuclear threats still rear their ugly heads
This Thanksgiving, I experienced something I never dealt with before. I wanted desperately to be thankful for something and just couldn’t find a way to do it and, at the same time, be intellectually honest. Let me explain.
The parallel counterpart to HealthCare.gov
This year I have witnessed the quickest deployment and implementation of a major state governmental process that I have ever seen. I think this success provides the ideal state counterpart example to the shortcomings demonstrated by the federal HealthCare.gov website.
The pressing need to reform entitlements
After 16 days of political brinkmanship, lawmakers passed a temporary funding plan that raised the debt ceiling and reopened the federal government.
But now, the nation is just barreling toward a new set of deadlines — lawmakers have until Jan. 15 to deal with the budget and Feb. 7 to deal with the debt ceiling. Until Congress sets the country on stable financial footing for the long term, we’re bound to play this game over and over again.
As lawmakers begin negotiations, the conversation must start with tax and entitlement reform. This begins with Medicare and Social Security, as they’re the most pressing challenges facing our country.
We’ve done nothing for too long
Dickens wrote in a “Tale of Two Cities,” “It was the best of times and the worst of times.” This seems to fit America right now. The gulf between the haves and have nots is widening. Some are doing very well. Many are struggling and that is a shame living in the greatest and strongest nation on earth. Confidence in government is at an all-time low. Washington is turned inward on itself and there is a growing chasm between the people and the elected. Few, if any, are minding the store. We are consumed with partisan issues and need a unifying purpose and mission. This can only come from our leadership. And it is not.
Conspiracy theories: Why we believe the unbelievable
With the passing of the 50th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy last week, and the accompanying fusillade of documentaries purporting to prove there was a conspiracy behind it, we might expect (and hope) that cabalistic conjecturing will wane until the next big anniversary.
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