EDMOND —
Just as I sat down to write the column this week, I got an enthusiastic call from a tender-hearted friend of mine — let’s call him “Tuffy.” Tuffy is a vocal equal rights advocate who tirelessly decries the inequality of resource allocation among world populations. He rails endlessly about the unfairness of large numbers of Americans who enjoy levels of “obscene” material comfort due solely to an accident of birth. In his view, Americans are rich because they were born that way. He claims there is no moral justification for the opulent American lifestyle when so many people in other parts of the world are plagued by malnutrition and disease.
Tuffy dreams of a world where all men are so moved to compassion by the heartbreaking plight of the less fortunate that they would gladly pool the earth’s material gifts and divide them, as nearly as practically possible, in equal shares to everyone.
His dream is for everyone to achieve such a level of social consciousness that they would willingly embrace this revolutionary change in attitude. Universal agreement along these lines is, of course, impossible. In Tuffy’s utopian view, the selfish holdouts would, by government coercion, be forced to share and share alike. He agrees that coercion is bad, but some coercion is necessary to separate the selfish from their unjustly acquired possessions. After all, “You gotta break some eggs if you want to make an omelette.”
Tuffy’s “excitometer” was redlining as a result of a study released on July 12 by Switzerland’s University of Zürich. According to Tuffy, if these study results hold up, the end of the world’s economic inequality is in sight.
Evidently, Ernst Fehr, director of the Department of Economics at the University of Zürich, headed a group of researchers that found a link between brain anatomy and altruism.
Altruistic behavior falls between two extremes. On one hand, the most altruistic take no thought at all for their own welfare. They dedicate all their goods and energies to efforts aimed at bettering the lot of others. On the other extreme, the least altruistic think only of themselves and don’t mind exploiting even the least fortunate as long as the selfish enjoy some benefit from the exploitation.
The University of Zürich study finds that people with the most gray matter at the junction of two brain lobes are also the most altruistic.
Tuffy is ecstatic. “Just imagine,” he gushes. “If we could manipulate the quantum of gray matter in the brain and by doing so we could adjust people’s willingness to share what they have with the less fortunate, coercion would become unnecessary. By simple alteration of brain anatomy, greed would disappear and all of mankind’s energies would be expended not for selfish acquisition but rather for the good of our fellow man.”
I wanted to ask questions, but Tuffy was on an uninterruptible roll. “See, selfishness, we now know, is an accident of birth; a genetic defect. If these greedy souls had been blessed naturally with more gray matter, like us, they would see that we’re right. It’s not their fault really. But there’s hope. We’ll find a way to increase their gray matter content and everything will be fine. The real challenge is for those of us favored with an abundance of gray matter to not assume a superior attitude vis-à-vis the less fortunate. In fact, we could give up some of our gray matter if that would help bring everyone to the state of gray matter equality.
“Of course, there will be some who, because of their conservative nature, don’t want to change. They’ll want to live with the meager gray matter they were born with because they think it’s natural. They won’t want to undergo any procedure to enhance their gray matter deficit no matter how simple and safe such a procedure may be.
“Luckily, we have a simple solution. If they refuse the procedure we’ll simply tax the greed out of them. Either way, we’ll achieve the desired egalitarian result. They’ll share what they have voluntarily because increased levels of gray matter increase their altruism, or they’ll share what they have involuntarily through the operation of the tax code. It’s beautiful in its symmetry.”
When Tuffy paused to chuckle, I seized the opportunity to ask a question. “Hey Tuffy, suppose, after those born with more than their share of gray matter make their gray matter donations and find they are less willing to share their possessions because of their reduced gray matter levels. What happens then?” There was a long pause. “Well, if you want an omelette … .” I’m Hink and I’ll see ya.
MIKE HINKLE is an Edmond resident and retired attorney.
Opinion
Gray matter may define humanity’s kindness
- Opinion
-
-
Don’t leave Oklahoma!
May is graduation season. As I have done every year as lieutenant governor, I have given multiple commencement speeches. Advice flows freely during this time and it usually runs the gamut. What to do, what not to do, how to do ‘x’, be sure not to do ‘y.’ Too often commencement speakers speak in big generalities. So general, the message is frequently lost or forgotten.
-
Last-minute funding proposals not in state’s best interest
All indications point to this being the last week of this year’s legislative session. The Legislature will go home a week early. This is good news for Oklahomans as not only will there be cost savings but all Oklahomans should breathe a sigh of relief when the Legislature stops making new laws a week ahead of schedule.
As usual, the Legislature will take a number of important votes during the last week. Some will be forced due to attempts to introduce and pass far-reaching, new policies that should have been introduced much earlier in the year. -
BY THE NUMBERS: Oklahoma still needs to invest in its economy
After six months of stagnation, the Oklahoma economy finally appears to be expanding again albeit still weakly. Unfortunately, our leaders aren’t making the investments we need to give our economic prospects a boost.
Last week the Oklahoma Office of Management and Enterprise Services reported that in April state General Revenue fund collections were 5.2 percent above the estimate and 14.7 percent higher than last year’s collections. Under normal circumstances, such a report would indicate that the Oklahoma economy was very strong. But this isn’t a normal circumstance, and April isn’t a normal month. -
Americans deserve the truth on Benghazi
Lately, the media has been consumed by the controversies surrounding the White House. Among these controversies is the horrific terrorist attack on the United States’ diplomatic compound in Benghazi that took place Sept. 11, 2012. As more people come forward with additional information regarding the attack on the consulate, many Americans, including myself, are still asking for the truth.
The Obama Administration and the State Department have been less than forthcoming with key information on Benghazi and recent information points toward a major cover-up. -
Seizure of AP phone records insult to independent press
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
-
HEY HINK: Some people just are not cut out for command
Recent headlines cause me to remember an incident that occurred on an army base some years ago. Warning here: I’m taking some liberties with names and details, but the basic outline of events is accurate.
A certain company commander, let’s call him Captain Duntz, had command of a motor pool on a large army base in the continental U.S. -
We’ve become our own worst enemies
The past couple months have been marked by a seeming unprecedented number of man-made tragedies, as distinct from those caused by violent outbursts of the natural world, such as earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis.
You don’t want to dwell too long on the negative, but we do have to take notice of horrific human events and we owe it to ourselves to respond to them in some way. We don’t always agree on those responses, however, and that usually exacerbates the problem. -
Let’s reimburse higher ed for remediation costs
The good news: Oklahoma schools are teaching phonics. The bad news: It’s in college.
Students at Tulsa Community College, for example, can take a college English course called “Spelling and Phonics,” which “helps students master basic spelling literacy, principles of phonics and decoding skills.”
This sort of higher education brings to mind former Boston University president John Silber’s quip: “Higher than what?” -
AGAINST THE GRAIN: Department of Commerce highlights Main Street successes
The 24th annual Oklahoma Main Street Awards Banquet was at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum last week. Oklahoma Department of Commerce Secretary Dave Lopez addressed the gathering, and spoke of how the Commerce Department works with Main Street organizations throughout the state that are working to improve their downtown areas. Lopez pointed out that the partnership between his department and those local organizations has brought new life to those communities and that the attendees would see some of that revitalization in a video presentation. Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin also addressed the gathering, and said the Main Street program has resulted in more than $1 billion in investments in the state and more than 1 million volunteer hours in its 24 years of operation.
-
OUR VIEW: Be Edmond needs your help
BMX star and local legend Mat Hoffman knows what’s it like to fall from great heights and find yourself at one of the worst low points in life. He also knows how to climb back up and tackle life’s problems head on.
- More Opinion Headlines
-
Don’t leave Oklahoma!
