Financial cost and emotional cost in any divorce proceeding often are two different things — they are costs that each litigant in a divorce must balance in their own personal way.
There are some myths about divorce in Oklahoma. There is no such thing as a “no-fault” divorce. Instead Oklahoma offers 12 grounds for divorce including “incompatibility,” which is what most colloquially refer to as “no-fault.” All that has to be proven is the parties are not compatible to the point the genuine interests of marriage are destroyed.
If another ground, such as adultery, is selected then the person alleging such ground is responsible for proving it. In Oklahoma that means actually proving intercourse, not that the spouse sent or received 440 text messages to one other than the complaining spouse or the spouse spent the night with a member of the opposite sex. Therefore, most divorces allege incompatibility.
Oklahoma is not a “community property” state. Rather, Oklahoma is a “joint industry” state. In other words, a marital estate in an Oklahoma divorce is to be divided “equitably.” Of course, equitable does not always mean equal.
Financial costs often are significant. Divorce lawyers, like any other professionals, are paid according to their skill, training and experience. Thus, one can expect to pay anywhere from $1,500 to $7,500 up front depending on both the complexity of the legal issues involved as well as the quality of counsel selected. In addition to the legal fees, some cases require “expert testimony” about the value of certain significant assets, i.e. business interests, the marital residence, rental properties, art work and more.
Even if there are few marital assets, or worse yet, if there is only marital debt, there is plenty to “fight about.”
For most people, in fact everyone to varying degrees, going through a divorce is emotional. Typically, an amicable divorce is in the same category as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Most divorce litigants are not “bad people,” but rather under normal circumstances are good, hard-working, law-abiding citizens who, because of the emotions involved, are behaving badly.
Otherwise rational people will spend $2,500 in attorney fees and costs fighting about an asset worth half that value because it is about the emotion not the money.
The state of Oklahoma makes it unethical for lawyers to take a divorce action on a “contingency fee” basis. That leaves only two ways for a divorce lawyer to be paid: By the hour, which is the most common; or on a flat fee basis. Hourly fees in the Oklahoma City area for a divorce lawyer range anywhere from $125 per hour to $300 per hour — and you usually get exactly what you pay for.
There are many times when divorce litigants prefer to be acrimonious rather than parsimonious — believing they can spend the other side into submission, or make it so difficult the other side will crater and give him/her everything. The “I can spend you into submission” strategy is rarely effective, at least when both parties are represented by counsel.
In the cases where one party has a distinct financial advantage, the economically disadvantaged party can apply for temporary attorney fees and costs, to be paid immediately by the party in control of the resources. In the proper case, such temporary motions often are granted by the trial court in order to level the playing field.
Absent the death of a child, divorce is the most emotionally traumatic experience that one likely will experience.
It is when there are children involved the litigants must most often weigh the two types of costs involved. At what point is aggressively pursuing the opposing parent the “right” thing to do to ensure a fair trial cross the line of engaging in action that is emotionally destructive to the child(ren)? Of course, that is a question that must be answered on a case-by-case basis. In most cases, parents easily lose sight of that line and, without intent or knowledge, cause untold psychological or emotional damage to their child(ren).
One key to avoiding, or at least minimizing, the potential damage to children is to learn to communicate in a way that is least harmful to them. Some trial judges, in fact, order divorce litigants to attend classes such as Co-Parenting Through Divorce at the OSU Extension Service for just that purpose.
When selecting a divorce lawyer you should talk with more than one lawyer. What you are looking for, primarily, is a person in whom you can put your total trust — after all your emotional health, the emotional health of your child(ren) and potentially the emotional health of your grandchildren could be at issue. The way to keep divorce costs under control is to select the right lawyer and to force your intellect to overrule your emotions when making decisions — which is easier said than done.
(Mike Chionopoulos is an Edmond resident and a former Oklahoma County judge.)
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