EDMOND — The question posed to Maj. Gen. Mark Graham was innocent enough. You see, a group of us was eating breakfast with Graham, U.S. Army commanding general of Division West, at Fort Carson, Colo., recently as part of the Joint Civilian Orientation Conference hosted by the secretary of defense.
Graham is a high-achieving career Army man who has been stationed across the world, including three stints at Fort Sill in Lawton. His daughter graduated from the University of Oklahoma last month. He received his MBA from Oklahoma City University and considers Oklahoma his adopted home — as much of a home as a general in the U.S. Army can have.
I had met Graham only about 20 minutes earlier when he loaded onto our bus at the gates of the base. The tall, sharp-looking and fit general has a full head of gray hair, but doesn’t look a day older than 50. His self-effacing humor was evident immediately when he commented on enlisting in the U.S. Army 31 years ago and, in an offhand manner, said he was thinking about making a career of it. I immediately liked this guy. Forget the Hollywood image of generals barking orders, dropping privates to do 20 push-ups or giving tirades to flunkies over the ETA.
This guy was a legit leader. You could feel it.
Since 1948, the intent of the JCOC program — now in its 77th class — has been to orient civilian leaders to the U.S. military. In the course of four days, I joined university presidents, public company CEOs, private equity guys, representatives of the national media and nonprofit leaders in learning about the U.S. Northern Command, NORAD, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Army and Coast Guard. We were up each day at 5 a.m. and didn’t return until 11 p.m. We were on a rigorous travel schedule that took us from Colorado Springs to San Diego to Albuquerque. I saw Marines training, heard pirate stories from Navy SEALs, flew on an Air Force Osprey and had dinner on the USS Green Bay (food was better than expected). It was cool.
But back to Graham and the question.
“Sir,” my classmate asked between bites of toast. “How big a problem is post-traumatic stress disorder for returning Army vets?”
Without missing a beat, Graham replied, “It’s a big problem and the Army is addressing it. We now understand every soldier has some degree of PTSD and the Army has a required re-entry program complete with counselors and psychologists to help these men and women. Army divorce, abuse, motorcycle accidents, caffeine addiction and suicide rates are skyrocketing compared to civilians.”
And then he said, “This issue is close to my heart. My son committed suicide by hanging himself in his dorm room.” As a follow-up, the general shared that his other son was killed in the line of duty in Iraq.
Conversation at our table stopped.
Graham, sensing our shock, offered up a teachable moment.
“Thank our soldiers for their commitment. Be sensitive to those returning from war. Talk to family members of someone who has committed suicide. They need help, too. Finally, always tell your kids that you love them.”
The general and our nation’s heroes left a lasting impression. We welcome Graham and his family back to Oklahoma any time.
C. RENZI STONE is the CEO of Saxum Public Relations. He participated in the Joint Civilian Orientation Conference May 31 to June 4. For more on Stone’s experience with the JCOC, visit his blog at www.blogspot.saxumpr.com.
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A lesson in leadership
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