EDMOND —
Forewarned is forearmed…or at least it should be. Men warned the boy who persisted in crying “Wolf!” when there was no wolf, that they wouldn’t rush to his aid next time, but he kept it up and we all know how that fable ends. Alas. It would have ended far differently if the boy had heeded their warning.
We who were the object of parental forewarning can appreciate the practical-joke value of the fabled wolf-boy’s teasing, but most of us had learned to arm ourselves more wisely by the time we were his age…though we do count some of our fondest memories among those times when we didn’t.
Last week a TV doctor/prophet-of-sorts forewarned that 72 is today’s new 30, and my first thought was, How nice for them. But then my own ratio extrapolations suggested that if the guru was right, then 82 would be the new 40 and I’d best be forearmed when I got there. My joints begged to differ. “Get real,” creaked a hipbone, and my left knee agreed.
I should have listened, but women my age are curious and we have time to spare, so I set out to forearm myself as best I could. Maybe you sexagenarians remember how to be 30 again, but we octogenarians don’t remember squat about what’s required to be 40, so I turned to Friend Google and typed “The average 40 year old woman of today” on the search line.
Up popped a slew of before-40-and-after photos of my favorite movie stars that I now regret having seen, and also a number of disturbing predictions including the likelihood that a woman of 40 will need a hip replacement before she’s 50. Others estimated the number of lovers she would likely have, advised the best methods for conceiving a child at that age, the height and weight she should strive for, the number of pushups she should be able to complete, and statistics on her chance of marrying for the first time at that age. I’d obviously stumbled onto the wrong websites.
Moving on, I found sixty-eight “72 Is the New 30” entries and every one of them said the same thing: German scientists compared the bones of 30-year-old long-dead hunter-gatherers and determined the same probability of death as present-day Japanese at age 72. Not a word about the Swedish men who were also included in the study, nor about women of any race, not one of whom had been invited to participate.
“I have this to say about that,” I shouted at the TV doctor/prophet-of-sorts as I settled back into my role as comfortable octogenarian. “If there’s anymore of this 72/30 extrapolated into 82/40 business, be forewarned that I’ll be forearmed and focused on you in the crosshairs!”
My hip joints applauded and my left knee cheered, and a faint wolf-boy voice whispered, “Believe her.”
MARJORIE ANDERSON is an Edmond resident.
Opinion
AS I SEE IT: Learn to appreciate your age, however old that may be
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Don’t leave Oklahoma!
May is graduation season. As I have done every year as lieutenant governor, I have given multiple commencement speeches. Advice flows freely during this time and it usually runs the gamut. What to do, what not to do, how to do ‘x’, be sure not to do ‘y.’ Too often commencement speakers speak in big generalities. So general, the message is frequently lost or forgotten.
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Last-minute funding proposals not in state’s best interest
All indications point to this being the last week of this year’s legislative session. The Legislature will go home a week early. This is good news for Oklahomans as not only will there be cost savings but all Oklahomans should breathe a sigh of relief when the Legislature stops making new laws a week ahead of schedule.
As usual, the Legislature will take a number of important votes during the last week. Some will be forced due to attempts to introduce and pass far-reaching, new policies that should have been introduced much earlier in the year. -
BY THE NUMBERS: Oklahoma still needs to invest in its economy
After six months of stagnation, the Oklahoma economy finally appears to be expanding again albeit still weakly. Unfortunately, our leaders aren’t making the investments we need to give our economic prospects a boost.
Last week the Oklahoma Office of Management and Enterprise Services reported that in April state General Revenue fund collections were 5.2 percent above the estimate and 14.7 percent higher than last year’s collections. Under normal circumstances, such a report would indicate that the Oklahoma economy was very strong. But this isn’t a normal circumstance, and April isn’t a normal month. -
Americans deserve the truth on Benghazi
Lately, the media has been consumed by the controversies surrounding the White House. Among these controversies is the horrific terrorist attack on the United States’ diplomatic compound in Benghazi that took place Sept. 11, 2012. As more people come forward with additional information regarding the attack on the consulate, many Americans, including myself, are still asking for the truth.
The Obama Administration and the State Department have been less than forthcoming with key information on Benghazi and recent information points toward a major cover-up. -
Seizure of AP phone records insult to independent press
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
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HEY HINK: Some people just are not cut out for command
Recent headlines cause me to remember an incident that occurred on an army base some years ago. Warning here: I’m taking some liberties with names and details, but the basic outline of events is accurate.
A certain company commander, let’s call him Captain Duntz, had command of a motor pool on a large army base in the continental U.S. -
We’ve become our own worst enemies
The past couple months have been marked by a seeming unprecedented number of man-made tragedies, as distinct from those caused by violent outbursts of the natural world, such as earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis.
You don’t want to dwell too long on the negative, but we do have to take notice of horrific human events and we owe it to ourselves to respond to them in some way. We don’t always agree on those responses, however, and that usually exacerbates the problem. -
Let’s reimburse higher ed for remediation costs
The good news: Oklahoma schools are teaching phonics. The bad news: It’s in college.
Students at Tulsa Community College, for example, can take a college English course called “Spelling and Phonics,” which “helps students master basic spelling literacy, principles of phonics and decoding skills.”
This sort of higher education brings to mind former Boston University president John Silber’s quip: “Higher than what?” -
AGAINST THE GRAIN: Department of Commerce highlights Main Street successes
The 24th annual Oklahoma Main Street Awards Banquet was at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum last week. Oklahoma Department of Commerce Secretary Dave Lopez addressed the gathering, and spoke of how the Commerce Department works with Main Street organizations throughout the state that are working to improve their downtown areas. Lopez pointed out that the partnership between his department and those local organizations has brought new life to those communities and that the attendees would see some of that revitalization in a video presentation. Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin also addressed the gathering, and said the Main Street program has resulted in more than $1 billion in investments in the state and more than 1 million volunteer hours in its 24 years of operation.
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OUR VIEW: Be Edmond needs your help
BMX star and local legend Mat Hoffman knows what’s it like to fall from great heights and find yourself at one of the worst low points in life. He also knows how to climb back up and tackle life’s problems head on.
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Don’t leave Oklahoma!
